Little Devil's Warm Hut

Introverts can feel at a disadvantage when everybody else around them seems so comfortably extroverted. But Sunada feels that the world benefits from the influence of qualities that come naturally to introverts. She explores ways that quieter types can be more “out there” without having to compromise who they really are.

Are you an introvert? When you’re feeling tired or stressed out, do you prefer to be by yourself – and do things like curl up with a book, soak in a hot bath, or go for a walk alone? If you’re a meditator, chances are pretty good you’ve got introvert tendencies. I definitely do.

 We pause and reflect before we speak … we’re conscientious and loyal … our friendships are strong and deep. In a world where many are feeling overwhelmed by busyness and disappointed by superficiality, how could these qualities not be valuable?  

But the world out there is mostly extroverted. I’ve heard that 75% of Americans are extroverts (though it varies from culture to culture). I used to work in business, where that percentage is even higher. Our world tends to reward extrovert qualities, like the ability to chat easily with strangers, be outgoing, and constantly on the move. If you look up “introvert” in a thesaurus you get the following synonyms: brooder, egotist, loner, narcissist, and wallflower. Not very flattering, is it? But the truth is, whenever we’re at big, boisterous parties with lots of people, the whole scene can leave us feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.

My meditation practice has brought me to see things in a new light. Yes, we introverts may be fewer in numbers, and certainly less visible. But I now see that we naturally possess many qualities that the world could really use more of. We know how to slow down, take a deep breath, and smell the proverbial roses. We usually pause and reflect before we speak – so when we do have something to say, it tends to be meaningful. We’re conscientious and loyal. And though we may have small circles of friends, our friendships are strong and deep. In a world where many are feeling overwhelmed by busyness and disappointed by superficiality, how could these qualities not be valuable?

 I’ve learned how essential it is to take time for myself … to keep my batteries charged up – and not be ashamed of having to do it!  

So if you’re a fellow introvert, let’s stop seeing ourselves as outsiders or somehow “lesser” people. Let’s stop isolating ourselves because we’re “different”. The world has much to gain from us introverts bringing ourselves and our genuine strengths out there.

And how do we do this without having to fake being something we’re not? First and foremost, I’ve learned how essential it is to take time for myself, all alone, to keep my batteries charged up – and not be ashamed of having to do it! In the Myers-Briggs system of classifying personality types, the Extrovert-Introvert dimension is defined by where you draw your energy from. Extroverts prefer the outer world of people and things. They get energized by being active and engaged with others. Introverts prefer to focus on their inner world of thoughts and images. They regain energy through solitude. So it’s not about whether you like being with people or not. It’s a matter of energy, and where you get recharged. I know several people who seem quite social and outgoing, but would be considered introverts by this definition.

So it’s no wonder that we introverts can’t keep up with an extrovert lifestyle. We would burn ourselves out. To me, solitary time is as necessary to my well-being as food and water. I make sure I get some daily. My meditation time is of course part of this picture. If I’m traveling or attending a multi-day event with other people, I make sure to schedule some solitary time afterward to recharge. I’m now aware that any skimping I do is at my own risk!

. Being introverted isn’t a good or bad thing in itself. It’s the stories we’ve built around it that make it so. Do we see ourselves as inferior? Do we go to social events with a feeling of dread? Do we walk around with a self-image as someone who has difficulty talking with others? Are we constantly judging what we say? I have to admit I used to do all those things. And still catch myself doing them from time to time. But It’s also very worthwhile to examine our own attitudes about our introversionall these thoughts only serve to sabotage us even before we get out of the gate.

 If we can step out of the trap of our negative stories, we’ll find infinite ways to engage with the world without having to fake anything.  

If we can step out of the trap of our negative stories, we’ll find infinite ways to engage with the world without having to fake anything. When I worked in business in the past, I learned that some of my natural but less visible inclinations were really valued by my colleagues. In addition to being an introvert, I’m also very intuitive and able to relate to people easily (I’m an INFJ, for those of you who know Myers-Briggs). Sure, I wasn’t among the socially active and “popular” ones. But I was usually the one who quietly figured out what was really going on behind the scenes. I might pick up on people’s unspoken needs, notice someone who was afraid to come forward, or play diplomat to patch up simmering disagreements among team members. No, these things weren’t part of my job description. But over time they became my signature strengths – and I came to be respected for my ability to keep a team running smoothly and congenially because of them.

In my current line of work, I need to be out networking and meeting people to promote my business. Sales and marketing are probably the things introverts hate doing the most! But this is doable in introvert-style too. I never do any “cold calling” or selling to total strangers (even extroverts have a hard time with that!). If I’m meeting somebody new, I usually establish contact first by email. The next step might be a phone call. For a face-to-face meeting, I go with an agenda in mind, with specific items I want to talk about, rather than leaving it open and freeform. I’ve also learned that if I talk from the perspective of what’s meaningful to me personally, my enthusiasm catches on – and my self-consciousness doesn’t have room to creep in. In fact, I think that it’s my low-key style that brings people to believe in me and what I have to say. I’m not pushing anything on them, so they feel free to decide for themselves.

So if you were born an introvert like me, I would urge you to make the conscious choice to live as an introvert, and be proud of it. On the one hand, it means respecting some very real limits we face. We need to preserve our energy through lots of solitude, and know how not to put ourselves into situations that make us feel tongue-tied or overwhelmed! But at the same time we can bring out our natural strengths in our own quiet way. I’ve learned that when I allow what’s authentic in me to shine through, people notice and really appreciate it.

最近很多人问为什么这么颓废,抽烟喝酒无恶不做状.其实有很大一部分是看着这个低潮时期想出国读书看看,但完全没有头绪所致.在骚扰了很多牛人,长辈后,暂时摆脱了迷惘,也想和大家分享求到的各种本人认为make sense的评论。（因为行业局限性，所以举的例子大多与金融有关，见谅）

读MBA的话

1.什么人需要读MBA?

   90%的人出去读是因为想转行，咨询的想去做PE,商行的、咨询的、会计师们想去转投行，快销的高层想自己开小买卖的等等。10%的人是工作上孤独求败，出国去散心，静心或花心去也，总结之就是锦上添花去了。  

   后者显然不是众位和俺状态差不多的有志小青年们需要参考的。关于前者，需要闹明白什么是转行？ 同样在金融机构里面，商行转投行算不算？后台转前台算不算？照有些过来人的说法，这些也是算得，因为做的完全是不一样的东西，用的是完全不同的工具，思考的完全不同的模式。这么大的区别，当然算转行。那问题是，如果这么说，什么人，在什么状态下都可以读MBA咯？答案对每个人就不一样了。 有人做了3年的HEDGE FUND OPERATION，想转做HEDGE FUND的DECISION MAKING的工作，从某种程度讲，就可以认为是GOT PREPARED了。但如果你做的业务，做的FUNCTION都和转行目标完全没有关系，那即使有了牛校的ADMISSION，出来之后达成心愿也是比较困难的事情。所以，读MBA有个问题必须很坦诚的面对自己：ARE YOU PREPARED？ 当然，对于准备程度的判断，随着各人的背景，经历，内心的自信程度等等都有区别。

   我很认同一个前辈说的话：读MBA不是急活。你自己准备好了的时候，你自己会知道的。short term career goal,long term career goal,your strength,your weakness这样的泛泛的问题，虽然庸俗无趣，自知和混沌的人的答案还是会有天壤之别。

2.TIMING:

   这个问题其实挺tricky,按说，现在趁着金融危机出去读个书，机会成本很低，等读出来了，各大银行又开始招聘了，然后继续自己光鲜金融家的梦想。

   BUT THE QUESTION IS：

    A.你知道今年有多少人申请MBA吗？

    B.读书去了，summer intern能找着么？

    C. 万一你毕业了还危机着呢，你咋整呢?

    对于问题A，动过MBA念头的人都应该门儿清，想象自己周围那些let go的朋友们，想想不远处新加坡香港悲情的同僚们，大家都是粉谦虚的，都觉得自己也就读个偏文的MBA，不想去死磕金融工程金融数学硕士。那你的竞争力如何？

   对于问题B，有人说：那我回中国找呗，总能找着个叔叔阿姨帮忙说句话，intern又不是全职。可是在现在这个年景，也许高盛大中国区某你心仪已久的部门只要5个INTERN，却能在全球收到500个APPLICATION。假设5个人全靠REFERRAL，你的爸爸妈妈叔叔阿姨师哥师姐能排到前五吗？MBA都读了，100多万都花了，小地方你能忍吗？

   对于问题C，如果真有这样的情况，其实对已经毕业的工商管理硕士是很不利的，再去读个DOUBLE MASTER？

   这些问题，对于在好时光里读MBA的先驱和后继者其实是不成问题的。但是如果你考虑到机会成本，现在去读了，就不得不面对上面的现实。

   其实这件事就和所有的事情一样，都是PROS AND CONS的结合，不是给你100万，也不是让你去杀人，而是给你100万的前提是你得去杀个人。有时候不得不思考世界的复杂性和自己对风险的偏好度~所以这个问题想了也是白想，不如不想，不如不算作考虑的因素。

3.花这么多钱值得吗？

   身边好多朋友其实是想读个MBA的，但是从经济上的考虑没有成行，转而攻读比较专门的相关学问，但是还是有很多人倾多年积蓄实现了读MBA的理想。那么，值吗？不要以为自己进了harvard就能成牛人。今天中午和一个harvard mba毕业的朋友聊天，他对于同学们水平的参差也表达了适度的惊讶，虽然这是3年前的事了都。有没有悟性，有没有自己的想法以及背后的强大的内心力量，有没有交流能力，有没有实践力，这些和MBA没有关系，是个人的修炼。所以为了真的能好好吸收这种持续了100多年的存在必然合理的PROGRAMME的各种精华，咱自己得先是个仙儿，要不，不是亏大发了？

关于读MASTER

   首先说明我这里说的不是读MASTER是为了读PHD，想去学校从事教育事业的纯粹ACADEMIC的朋友，正如出名要趁早，80后们结婚也趁早一样，从事学术工作也一定要快快快早早早，进入社会了超过一年再回去做学问，除非天资实在聪慧，要不很难在对的时间成为自己想成为的学术牛人。 

   我这里讨论的是，和俺一样觊觎名校光环沽名钓誉读个master立刻回来报效祖国的现在还在国内在社会上打拼的本科毕业的时候A股上了6000点没想着读研的我们。

   1. 如果读的是自己本行，那其实准备永远不是问题，看自己的生活安排.拿女生来说，需不需要快点读完回来结婚生孩子，需不需要考虑爸爸妈妈年老身体康健的问题等,这些都是问题。

   2. 如果读的不是本行，那问题多了一点。比如说：

   A.你喜欢的那个学问，是不是因为距离产生了美？

   B.你不喜欢的现在所在的行业，是不是因为在中国？

   今天看见某胖的一句话，很有感触，甚至一度变成了自己的说明档：“有的人怎么除了真相什么都感兴趣." 确实，现实是残酷的，丑陋的，无趣的，但是不知道真相，怎么敢踏进去？如果喜欢一个学科，你有没有找到最经典的著作，把基本的理论了解清楚？有没有去找最好的学校的课程表，去看看他们学得东西是不是你感兴趣，你有能力完成的？有没有到MIT网络课程那里找到某课试着听一节？有个经济学学者告诉我，如果一个学计算机的有志小青年找他希望读ECO的硕士，如果那个小青年把曼昆的书看过一遍，基本的理论都清楚，他才会觉得这个男孩对于这件事是严肃认真的。同理，如果你讨厌金融，讨厌经济学，你也去看看在国外是怎么教这门学问的，你也去听听课，说不定就会重新找回恋爱的感觉。毕竟在国内数学爆烂高中就去了英国BACHELOR学成后进保险公司做计量风险分析师的记忆里那同桌的他也是活人。

    很欣赏的一个人说，如果你想认真地读个MASTER， 就把它当成一个开始，而不是现在生活的结束。献给所有和俺一样异常热爱逃避的一般人。

  在思考了上面这些后，我也对未来的路有了基本的判断，暂时性地摆脱了迷惘，希望看官们也能挑出点东西看，把这些东西写下来，也算给自己提个醒，人总是会有WAY BACK的时候。这还要多谢这些天来不停被我骚扰的朋友，和帮我介绍朋友的朋友。暴君yy, 古道热肠的marcomarie, 很自知的LiuChen，牛人Walter,知我懂我的Julian,CG，第一天从新加坡回来就被我扣住的BOB，大佬William，不计前嫌的Happy，感谢你们。

2009-5-26

于深巷家中。